New Year Resolutions

While the population may be mentally compiling highly ambitious new year resolutions that in reality will be broken within a fortnight, I am trying to stay relatively realistic with mine.

1. Stay out of hospital and remain healthy (This will be my greatest achievement if accomplished. This was something that in 2013 very nearly failed me a number of times.)
2. Don't drop below my current weight of 9.2 stone. However this does mean I can fit into Levis I had at 16
3. Turn up the music when running marathons
4. Look back at the day and see how far I have come since sunrise, how lucky and fortunate I am.

Of recent I have noticed that I have a deep desire, one that needs to be sated otherwise I shall remain frustrated and dissatisfied for a great while longer. There is a part of me that wants this sensual desire to be fulfilled, it dates back thousands of years and is one that should not be avoided. In the past I have performed this enjoyable act with others, though often afterwards I have cast them aside like an unneeded service.

After thinking on the matter I have come to the conclusion that my mistake is my choice of partner. They often lack experience in these matters, and the pleasure that I receive drops dramatically as a result. After great thought I have realised that I have become enlightened on the matter. What I need is someone older, with more experience, with immeasurable talents that will benefit me, as my lack of experience will be provide great amusement to them. I need an older woman for NSAS.

Now I have come to understand that there are a number of alternative meanings, however in this instance NSAS stands for "No Strings Attached Shopping" (Did you really think I meant anything other?)

What I really need if an older woman to take me under her (bingo) wing, take me out on weekly basis to do some hardcore shopping. In my mind (which has heavily idealised this situation) she would be a wealthy, equally as decadent as I, independent professional woman with no commitments to family, meaning that I become the light of her fading eyes. We would revel in each other's tales, I in her salacious tales that are both more funny/disgusting than the last, and her in mine that couldn't be more different...or at least at the start anyway. 

It would only be after a short while I would realise she has successfully corrupted my (remaining) morals. Her primary role would be to provide a combination of both role model and cash machine to the socialite events we attend together, whether that be in London or "on the continent" as she would phrase it. From these two gifts I would be expected to become her 'apprentice' as such, ready to take her role after her quickly approaching demise. My mind races with the image of leading a lifestyle more decadent than already, with a cunning, sometimes manipulative, firm woman ( I imagine her to be a mix of Martha Levinson and Violet Crawley from Downton Abbey) who can teach me everything that will make me the admiration of others and desire of many young gay gentleman who we encounter on our travels.

I would rather think of the relationship two sided, hers as joyful that she can instruct me and see the improvements I have made under guidance, and mine as gift receiving, companionship and the hilarity of the good times, without the sex of course (I'm not a prostitute dammit).

A Cheeky Update

Now I realise that it's been a while since I last posted a blog entry and I do apologise to the regular readers (of which there are, according to "Blog Stats": 2,845 ) this is because I have been incredibly busy. Double busy.

Now if anyone follows my Twitter (@iTomHanson) you will see that I have regularly been tweeting about meetings/trips to London and also investment banking. So many people have been asking me about my goings on over the last 2 months and I'll be honest I forget what I have said and haven't...so I thought I'd round up what's gone on since last time I blogged.

In September I was successful in my application to be selected (alongside 35 other cool people that I now consider my Stonewall Family or #StonewallFam) to attend the Stonewall Talent Programme. I had an amazing 3 days in London, and only 2 of those I had a hangover from the alarmingly cheap drinks at G-A-Y and Heaven. After the course I then went to Oxford a few days, then Gloucestershire and then finally coming home after which was a well travelled week.

In October we were all invited back down to London to attend the Stonewall Talent Programme Reunion and also launch of the Stonewall Starting Out Guide. That day was one of the best in the whole of October for me. When I attended the Talent Programme in September everyone was slightly wary of what to say and how to be among everyone else, however at the reunion it was completely different. It was like walking back into a room of old friends I'd known for years. I don't think I stopped smiling all day. The event was hosted at the London offices of Bank of America Merrill Lynch in Canary Wharf. Oh my goodness. What an amazing place it is, the sheer size and the atmosphere when you're there. It's electric.

We walked into the atrium of BAML, immediately it hits you how powerful this building is. The marble, the leather, the sheer size of everything. The money. Walking into the conference room and seeing the other Talent guys and people from Stonewall immediately put the biggest smile on my face. It was amazing to see everyone again and hear about what had gone on since we saw each other a month before. The achievements, the successes and also hearing about what they had done day to day in such a short space of time, was incredible. That evening it was the launch of the Stonewall Starting Out Guide, a national directory book of LGBT friendly companies. I count myself incredibly lucky that I was able to hear from a number of inspiring speakers and their stories of gay employment. This time the wine was bang on marvellous!

After the launch it was more drinking wine and chatting to everyone invited. I love networking and talking to people at these formal occasions and, of course, I'd come prepared! Everyone I gave my card to was staggered I was that prepared. During the evening I spoke to a man from a major Investment Bank in Canary Wharf, it turned out we are both runners which gave us both a laugh and conversation. I gave him my card and he gave me his. It turns out that might have been the best exchange of cards ever.

From emailing him over the last month, having met for a coffee and contacting other individuals I've met and then meeting them, I have been selected 4 times for all expenses paid courses in London, each time run by different banks and career organisations. I was invited back down to London last week and then later this month again. There's an open invite for a week long course in Paris in January aswell that I'd love to go to. It's been a few years since I was last in Paris, I can remember my favourite coffee shop just off the Champs-Elysees and if I'm there in a few months I'll be going back! The latest invitation is of a game of golf at a club in Surrey in the new year, the only problem is I haven't played in 2 years. I could lose gracefully I suppose.  The phrase "mind blowing" seems relevant.

Two weeks ago I yet again travelled South, this time for a course hosted at the stunning offices of J.P.Morgan. Touring the city in the morning was one of the best experiences I've ever had! I got to cycle a rickshaw down Regent Street, Penny Board down Hyde Park and then Cycled on a boris bike all the way down Oxford St to Soho among other adventures. All the time in a suit, it was only when I stopped I remembered how much it cost and then suddenly felt sick from the thought. I bought a particularly fantastic pocket square from Saville Row on my travels aswell.

I posted a picture on my Twitter of the JPM logo and a caption, my phone didn't stop buzzing as people were asking me why I was there and how impressive it looked, to those of you who I Snapchatted the wine rooms and the seemingly endless panoramic photos from the rooftop balconies, I do apologise.
I was sent the link for the event on Monday, I applied that night, received my confirmation Tuesday morning, went down to London on the Wednesday. My application form must have been pretty damn good.
During the course we heard from a number of employees at the banks, Stonewall Deputy Chief Exec: Ruth Hunt who is always a treat to listen to, a discussion panel hosted by my contact at CS and then afterwards a cocktail and wine party. The wine was yet again amazing with some very snazzy canapes, I have a feeling they might have been foie gras. I also got to meet some incredible people in the employees from the banks, but also a lot of great friends that I'm definitely going to keep in contact with for a long time.

I've come away from London this time with yet more contacts, a slight hangover the next day, endless freebies and corporate gifts and offers of hospitality when I'm next in London (one of which involves a tour of Credit Suisse and a meal at a very famous London hotel), but I've also come away with a few offers of both graduate placement jobs and also opportunities for a placement year in September 2014.
It's safe to say that from the Stonewall Talent Programme I have gained an incredible amount and I am forever grateful to those who have supported me and given the opportunities that have lead me to where I am now. Oh yeah I've also ran a 1hr 37mins Half Marathon within the month.

A pretty productive month!

Coming Out of The Cycling Closet

At the beginning of September I was lucky enough to be selected to attend Stonewall's 2013 Talent Programme. This is an annual course run by the London based LGBT charity, that teaches 18-25yr olds the benefits of being a gay role model in the workplace.
It was an amazing 2 days where I met some truly fantastic people, both in the other candidates on the course and also the speakers that we were lucky enough to hear from. The stories I heard over the exhausting two days were some of the most deep and heart moving I have ever listened to and I'm deeply honoured to have done so. But I make it sound like a really emotional two days, and it was, but also I have never laughed so much with complete strangers.
I tried to think of the single funniest story from the course and I remembered the corporate dinner with the main sponsors: Bank of America Merrill Lynch. We were told to wear smart casual clothes for the formal dinner so I suited and booted accordingly. We were then taken to Jerwood Space in London. Shown inside, given wine and canapés and told to mingle. Sadly the wine they had chosen to bestow on us was vile, so I decided to go for the safe and sensible Orange Juice, which was also vile. Going well so far.

We were then told that dinner was going to be served and to make our way to the tables, naturally of course there was a seating plan. At the head of our table was a rather serious and sombre looking bald man who introduced himself as Richard. How my heart sank. How I'd hoped that we could have a light conversation with the odd polite chuckle thrown in over a joke about immigration or taxation. I cannot ever comprehend how wrong I was. I don't think I've ever laughed so much over dinner. We talked about boyfriends/girlfriends, one night stands, G-A-Y the previous night and how I'd apparently been rather popular in the gay clubs (I don't remember any of that night...) and also it turns out Richard is a raging lesbian admirer. So much so he persuaded two of us (YES ME) to download Brenda... quite possibly my lowest moment I'll admit. But the hilarity outweighs any negative feelings I might have gotten from downloading the "Lesbian cruising" app. (I deleted it 5 minutes later).

I have spoken to other Talent Programme members since the course for the purpose of this blog post, and one thing I did notice was how popular the final activity of the course was, to name our role models.
Now those of you who would bet good dollar I said sportsmen would be rolling in the money. I chose among a few personal friends and colleagues, Alistair Brownlee, James Cracknell and Bradley Wiggins. I also chose Tim Cook because of being the gay CEO of Apple.

But one thing that was noted among the other candidates was that I didn't chose an openly gay cyclist. Now there is a good reason for this. There aren't any. Well... there are none that are openly gay in the modern peloton that I am aware of. The only result I can find on Google is that of Graeme Obree. A famous track cyclist that liked to experiment with different bike designs and being "unique" in his approach to racing. However when I found a news article where he talks about being gay, I was firstly annoyed that the only gay cyclist I could find was a retired one, then I was angry after reading what he had said.
Obree had gone on to say that whilst he had come out since retiring, he strongly urged today's professionals not to reveal their homosexuality, for fear of how they would be treated by the cycling community and team mates. He's a first class idiot.

Being both a gay man and cyclist, what Obree says REALLY annoys me. While I completely respect his decision to stay "closeted" himself, I disagree with his statement that others should. He has absolutely no right to be the authority on the matter.
I'll give you a scenario for why I think he is wrong on so many levels.
A child grows up loving cycling and has many idols in the sport who are fairly obvious examples, but also at the same time they're questioning their own sexuality. How amazing would be it for them to find an openly gay cyclist that they can relate to? I speak for myself because this scenario is mine, it would have been amazing. I would have had a role model that I could completely relate to because they have not only announced to the world they're gay, but made a success of their life, however sadly this didn't happen. In sport you can turn off the worries that you face in your everyday life and just immerse yourself in participating. If you see that there is a successful sportsman, or just an individual that is accepting of their sexuality in your sport, then it obviously creates an admiration for this person.

Stonewall knows that young people need role models to aspire to, to look to because of them accepting their sexuality and succeeding. On Monday 16th September, Stonewall went to 92 professional football teams in England and 42 in Scotland to ask them to wear rainbow laces during their matches. The reason? To promote the idea that you can be homosexual in football and eradicate homophobia from the areas that you play and support a team.
Now while I admit this is a fantastic thing for both sport and binning homophobia, I feel that we cannot stop at football. Obviously I am biased and would like a similar campaign to be carried through to cycling and other sports where children are being influenced by the actions and lifestyle choices of sportsmen and women.

I mean hell in pro cycling there is a rainbow jersey, if only it was a "fabulous" one.

Advert of the Month

When I was a child my parents took a vow to treat me with respect, love me unconditionally, help to develop my skills as a child and an adult, and to protect me. Fortunately my parents have incredible foresight and chose the latter aspect of my vow to save my innocent young soul from crass reality television.

19 years later I am happy to report that they haven't failed in safeguarding me from that world, it is as a mystery to me, as clothes are to Miley Cyrus. 

Now while being completely oblivious to reality television, this means that any trip to the hairdressers is incredibly awkward with no topic of conversation other than the weather, boys or holidays, I feel that my soul is just that little bit clearer for it. 

At the beginning of September there was yet another series of such reality TV (I don't have the first clue which series or franchise) and as usual this would completely pass me by like football or yodelling. However a friend of mine rang my mobile that evening to inform there was an advert that I would find interesting. The dialogue between Jess and I, is as continues...

Tom: Jess what is it? I'm running over the moors.

Jess: Tom there's an advert on TV, it's got a gay couple on it.

Tom: You rang to tell me that? Gay couples are portrayed everyday in the media in such a bad way.

Jess: No Tommy, this is completely different. You'll like it.

Tom: Sure sure, I'll check it when I've done my training. Oh yeah, are you getting the vodka in for tomorrow?

It's safe to say the thought of completing my hill reps was more interesting at that moment. However when I got home I decided to check out this advert that I was apparently going to like. Like was an understatement.

The advert in question is the current 'NatWest CashBack Plus'. It depicts two sisters who look rather similar but lead rather contrasting lives. One heterosexual and one homosexual. The first sister kisses her husband Geoff goodbye at the train station and loves swimming. The second has her hair tucked behind her ear by her girlfriend Kate and loathes swimming. They then meet up as a double date in a coffee shop to have a chat with each other. End of advert. *Tom smiles*.

Last month in my post about Gay Employment, I talked about how there had been such a different portrayal of gay IT workers compared to what we had seen in recent months and years, almost a new direction in the media. A few weeks later there has been a national television advert that was shown at peak time, showing a same sex couple. Now I feel that before I carry on, I must offer my profuse thanks and admiration to NatWest's marketing department. 

This is why:

It could have been so much easier to develop an advert that would show a trampolining poodle that would suddenly become an YouTube hit, with a nation of 12 year old's trying to get their dogs onto the family trampoline to re-enact it. But they chose not to. They chose to show something so strong and amazing, yet subtle and, in my mind, tasteful. I had to watch the advert a total of 7 times before I could really appreciate it fully. It's not patronising or stereotypically clichéd and awkward like it could so easily have been with a gay couple, but it's just...normal. No big song and dance made towards two women embracing in public, it re-enforces the fact that we're all different, and THAT'S COOL!

You do worry that whilst I, and a great number of other LGBT people, have seen this as a giant step forward in the mass media portrayal and start to eradicate the social homophobic stigma, there may be others that are ignorant in their views and object to such an piece of television. But I do hope that other companies see this breakthrough, as just that. They can now follow a completely new line and style of adverts that can completely target new audiences without the worry of being the first to do so, with having the safety and security of knowing this gay advert works and also that LGBT people are pleased they have done so.

The "NatWest CashBack Plus" advert. 

The Problems We Face And Google

Every single day we face problems of our own and often we go about them with no real announcement of them and hence they can sometimes lead to further problems, which along with the original problem can make the situation and experience all that more challenging and difficult. One aspect I was reminded of this morning from the news, is that of Postnatal depression (female readers here), you experience a roller-coaster of emotions for 9 months of your pregnancy, the massive highs of giving birth to your child that you have dreamed of for such a long time, but then experience such lows after such highs. 

I fully empathise with anybody that experiences any form of depression. You look at life and see that we only live for maybe 80/90 years, it's when you look at it like that you realise that life is short and why must we waste time crying? I'm currently 19, I've already experienced nearly 1/5 of my life, and with those years so much has been already decided for me and yet I'm still to live so much more.

Everyone has problems that they are living with. It's only the strong and shrewd that can hide these feelings away from others and portray an almost perfect life where these problems that might cripple others, just seem to be an inconvenience to them, if that at all.

Now while we face things that can be pretty important and upsetting, you also face the occasional issue where it can be comical but also peculiar. My most recent such problem is as follows.

Google.

Google makes money from allowing companies to place advertisements on webpages, from this they take money from the companies. If you happen to see an advert you like and click on it, then Google takes more money. Now for this to happen more often, Google offers to suit the adverts to the viewer.
However Google doesn't seem to want to bother with me. 

"Meet Single Horny Girls in Yorkshire. Click Here To Join"

This must be the most common advert that is presented to me, or others that are very similar. Now while I can see that this advert or others of this type are more commonly used compared to ones that have a homosexual theme, I still think that it would be nice for a simple thing such as an advert on Google to at least get it right, or at least for me. I certainly have no idea why Google thinks I'm straight. No terms ever searched on my computer suggest this. I feel that if Google stalked me half as well as I thought it did, then surely I wouldn't be faced with this problem.

It can be embarrassing when friends look at my laptop and see that I'm being offered the finest images of women that claim to be 0.5 miles away, with them knowing that I'd rather vomit than even engage in anything more than a handshake. I mean do I not scream GAY to you? Or at least "snappy dressing-attractive-dapper-debonair-GAY"? Well maybe.

From this I wonder whether I have to come out as being gay to Google itself. Should I compose an email to Larry and Sergey? Announcing that whilst I feel privileged to receive such a wide array of attractive women when searching for bike parts, I do not feel that they are completely utilising their resources in researching my Internet searches, to benefit their company financially.

I just feel that if Google was to offer me a more considered and appropriate occasional advert, and it was more personalised then I might not feel let down and saddened by what they have to offer me.

Gay Geek Is New Geek Chic

Next year shall mark the 60th anniversary of Alan Mathison Turing's death. Now you may be wondering why I'm informing you of such a fact? Well let me explain.

Alan Turing was born 23rd June 1912 in London. He went to Cambridge University from 1931 until 1934 and excelled reading Mathematics. During the Second World War he worked tirelessly at Bletchley Park with numerous others to help crack the German and enemy ciphers. It is estimated that the work that Turing and his team conducted shortened the war by 2 years, therefore saving many lives.

Now this may seem to be another story of a war hero that has no real impact on today's affairs and society, however I think that it has never been more important. Also there are a few facts that to me make this man a little more interesting,

• His work at Bletchley Park from 1939 until the estate closed down as MI5's country HQ, was able to crack countless German and enemy ciphers leading to advanced knowledge of enemy plans and attacks. A truly incredible feat with what transpires to be a truly awful repayment.
• Alan Turing was also an accomplished marathon runner, being able to post a time in 2 hours and 46 minutes, and also rower having rowed for Cambridge University whilst studying at Kings College.
• He was the founding father of Computer Science and was able to design the concepts that mathematicians and computer workers still use to this day.
• Turing was homosexual.

As a Computer Science student it is constantly reminded to myself and others that Turing is the father of our subject and has possibly done more to the cause than any other individual. But it was only when I went to Bletchley Park a few days ago during my holiday to London, that I really noticed the difference he made to the War effort, but also how he had made such an amazing contribution, yet in 1952 he was convicted of being homosexual. The choice of convictions? Prison or Oestrogen injections. 

At Bletchley Park there is a wooden cabinet with glass doors that holds a statement from Gordon Brown from when he was Prime Minister in 2009 that apologises on behalf of the British Government for the way that Turing was treated during this time period. I remember reading this letter and feeling moved, disgusted and also deeply saddened in that it is considered that the criminal conviction and 'treatment' that Turing received, led to his suicide. If I were to place myself in his shoes, I would question whether there is any true justice in the world, having been a significant leader of intelligence and military matters and then for the country he loved and had worked for so tirelessly and endlessly, to revoke his security clearance, to class him as a criminal for never having done a single crime other than being himself and giving him one of two miserable and hell like options with either as bad as the other. What makes this even more harrowing is when you realise this was only 60 years ago.

I believe that Turing's story can be an example of how you what ever walk of life you pursue, there are always going to be high moments, but also low moments where you will need to stand strong and usually this is made easier and more bearable if there are others that you can ask advice from.

During my London holiday I came across one evening, a copy of The London Evening Standard. Those who do not know of this, it is a free newspaper that is given out in London in Tube stations or on street corners. I picked up a copy for the sole reason of the Sudokus, a slight geek addiction of mine there.

In and amongst the usual depressing tyranny of celebrity news and miscellaneous facts, there was one headline that interested me:

"Why the ‘gay geek’ is the most sought-after worker in London" 

Now I will admit that when I first saw the headline I did wonder as to the content of article and what angle they might throw on both gays and geeks. Release the floodgates for the stereotypes. There I was ready to defend myself as both gay and aspiring geek. But no actually not, if anything far from it.

The article talks about how because there is a greater chance that gays (men and women) are more career driven due to there being a lower chance that they are in a civil partnership, a lower chance they have children and also that they are more inspired maybe to complete a better and perform to a higher standard. 

With some trepidation going into reading the article, I finished with a great sense of happiness in that it hadn't portrayed gays as being unreliable or unable to hold down a job for a great length of time, but had shown them a light that is sometimes very rarely seen in the media. I think it's a great thing in that today's society we are able to be so open with such matters as our sexuality and that employers are taking the bold new moves to make employees feel respected and appreciated in the workplace.

Also because I'm both gay and a part time aspiring geek, it means I have something to a) blog about, b)talk about with lecturers in September, and c) it leads nicely to this...

This also comes with exciting news! When I was hospital awaiting an MRI scan one morning, I found myself incredibly bored in my hospital room. Checked Facebook, nothing going on. Twitter was much the same. However I checked my Uni emails and came across Stonewall's Talent Programme. This is a course that is run 5-8th September in London and is for LGB young adults to help them become role models in either workplaces or generally just areas where they might be able to help or inspire others.

Now at the time I inform you that I was highly drugged up on medication and Costa Express Machine coffee, so I was not completely myself...maybe slightly more manic, if such a thing is possible. However out of the many hundreds that applied, I was successful! I go to London in 2 weeks time and I can honestly say I cannot wait. Along with 35 others I am going to learn about how being openly gay in the workplace can help to bond a team better due to no feelings of embarrassment, or hiding away from questions due to not being in the majority. I really hope that I can take away a lot from the course and use it to help network with others and also the main sponsor Bank of America Merrill Lynch (BAML).

In today's society there is a greater emergence of openly gay individuals and I believe this is a great step towards equality and eradication of homophobia, but also promoting a stronger and positive image of equality in that it will prove that minorities can do equal and sometimes maybe better jobs than the majority, just because there are stereotypes that you might feel that you need to conform to, or others see you in that way, it doesn't mean you have to conform.  

Song Of The Day - Up And Away

A recent find of mine and I absolutely love it! 
One criteria for a good song for me, is whether it can be get me "pumped" before a bike ride. This certainly does that!