New Year Resolutions

While the population may be mentally compiling highly ambitious new year resolutions that in reality will be broken within a fortnight, I am trying to stay relatively realistic with mine.

1. Stay out of hospital and remain healthy (This will be my greatest achievement if accomplished. This was something that in 2013 very nearly failed me a number of times.)
2. Don't drop below my current weight of 9.2 stone. However this does mean I can fit into Levis I had at 16
3. Turn up the music when running marathons
4. Look back at the day and see how far I have come since sunrise, how lucky and fortunate I am.

Of recent I have noticed that I have a deep desire, one that needs to be sated otherwise I shall remain frustrated and dissatisfied for a great while longer. There is a part of me that wants this sensual desire to be fulfilled, it dates back thousands of years and is one that should not be avoided. In the past I have performed this enjoyable act with others, though often afterwards I have cast them aside like an unneeded service.

After thinking on the matter I have come to the conclusion that my mistake is my choice of partner. They often lack experience in these matters, and the pleasure that I receive drops dramatically as a result. After great thought I have realised that I have become enlightened on the matter. What I need is someone older, with more experience, with immeasurable talents that will benefit me, as my lack of experience will be provide great amusement to them. I need an older woman for NSAS.

Now I have come to understand that there are a number of alternative meanings, however in this instance NSAS stands for "No Strings Attached Shopping" (Did you really think I meant anything other?)

What I really need if an older woman to take me under her (bingo) wing, take me out on weekly basis to do some hardcore shopping. In my mind (which has heavily idealised this situation) she would be a wealthy, equally as decadent as I, independent professional woman with no commitments to family, meaning that I become the light of her fading eyes. We would revel in each other's tales, I in her salacious tales that are both more funny/disgusting than the last, and her in mine that couldn't be more different...or at least at the start anyway. 

It would only be after a short while I would realise she has successfully corrupted my (remaining) morals. Her primary role would be to provide a combination of both role model and cash machine to the socialite events we attend together, whether that be in London or "on the continent" as she would phrase it. From these two gifts I would be expected to become her 'apprentice' as such, ready to take her role after her quickly approaching demise. My mind races with the image of leading a lifestyle more decadent than already, with a cunning, sometimes manipulative, firm woman ( I imagine her to be a mix of Martha Levinson and Violet Crawley from Downton Abbey) who can teach me everything that will make me the admiration of others and desire of many young gay gentleman who we encounter on our travels.

I would rather think of the relationship two sided, hers as joyful that she can instruct me and see the improvements I have made under guidance, and mine as gift receiving, companionship and the hilarity of the good times, without the sex of course (I'm not a prostitute dammit).